Undrdgj's Xanga

random thoughts

Sat, 25 Oct 2008 19:06:49 GMT

In the past few I've discovered instrumental music. The instrumental version of movie soundtracks, Disney songs, and love songs are beautiful. I play it all day long in the office for my interns.
It's beautiful. I could just sit here and listen to it...which is in fact what I'm doing at the moment.

Listening to it makes me feel thoughtful, creative, and romantic.
Life is good.

Oh man...if I could play the guitar, that would change my life.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 12:22:06 GMT

Life is interesting. It's starting to get colder outside. Pretty soon it'll be Christmas time.
I tend to get more contemplative as the temperature outside drops.

This morning brings with it an early start and breakfast with team, people I enjoy. One day as a dad, I think I'll make it a tradition to take my kids out to eat.

Quiet mornings are beautiful. Instrumental music is thought provoking. Days flow by seamlessly. Years meld with each other. Such is life.

Thoughts on Love

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 23:46:02 GMT

Over the weekend I watched a Disney movie called “Enchanted.” In this movie, a damsel has this worldview about true love where she is pretty much pining after and waiting for some guy to come along and sweep her off her feet. The prince does come along but as with all fairy tales a villain that jumps in the middle of things and messes things up.

Now the concept of true love is brought up several times in this movie.
How Do You Know That You Love Her

All that to say that oddly enough, I was sitting in church waiting for the sermon to start when this thought crosses my mind, “How do you fall in love with someone?”

I read somewhere that a woman should not marry a man unless she respects him and that a man should not marry a woman unless he loves her.

And so the question comes to my mind, “How do you fall in love with someone?”

Since the time I started being interested in the opposite gender years and years ago, I’ve only fallen in love with one person. And at the time, I spent hours and hours of time with the individual, had countless conversations with her, and really just made ourselves a part of each other’s lives.

And so…here I am at the Honor Academy, thinking about the future and relationships in general, and I wonder, how am I supposed to fall in love with someone in this environment? Since my love language is quality time, I think it’ll take time for me to fall in love with anyone. And with how things are going, it might not happen while I’m here.

I don’t know. I’ve seen 2 friends fall in love with people while here, one was a long distance relationship, the other happened in a matter of months. But that was them, and I’m me.

It’s probably just not the right time. After all, I asked God to guard my heart and not to awaken love until it was ready. He has a way of answering prayers like that.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 02:21:52 GMT

I’m feeling nostalgic again.

Every year brings a different wind with it.

Some years are hard, some years are full of growth, and some years are sweeter.

I’m having a very sweet year. I love my team. Maybe I should leave after this year. The thought has crossed my mind.I’m definitely ready to head out. But I’m not entirely sure what I would head into.

Once upon a time I thought about leaving the country and heading back to the homeland. Now I’m thinking of heading into the urban jungle that is NYC.

Life is interesting. We’ll see how things go.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Sun, 21 Sep 2008 13:34:33 GMT

ESOAL is over. It ended less than an hour ago. 77 hours of physical, mental, and emotional stretching.
4 out of my 5 callers made it all the way. I'm proud of them.

Facilitating has been a different experience. It's not quite as emotionally challenging as going through the event. Rather than having someone in my face I was the one getting in people's faces. But it was good. People's lives were changed.

And I am tired. There are some things in life worth losing sleep over. This is one of them. I am going to get some rest.

ESOAL

Sun, 21 Sep 2008 02:56:45 GMT

ESOAL...

It'll be over soon enough.

The participants have reached the point where quitting has stopped being an option. The bell simply doesn't exist, for them. Sure the thought crosses their mind. At times it even gets hard, and they feel exhausted or spent. But they keep pressing on.

Georgia company has reached that point. I think the 24 people who are still in will make it to the end. They have what it takes.

I'm finding that I can be firm in facilitating, if I try, but my tendency is to lead towards

On another note, my call team is out there still. They are a bunch of troopers. I think they'll make it all the way the end as well. I'm proud of them. I look forward to sharing stories with them.

Life Transforming Event.

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 07:02:28 GMT

It's 3 AM.

Somewhere out in the world, there are people sleeping comfortably in their beds, warm and cozy oblivious to everything but the dreams that inhabit their minds. They aren't the ones sleeping in the cool clear night on the football field of Teen Mania's campus this morning.

ESOAL – Emotionally Stretching Opportunity of A Lifetime.

All the sweat & mud, aching muscles,, night cold that gnaws at your bones...it's only Day 1. We're about to head into Day 2.

Why do people put themselves through such hardship?

Because they want their lives to be changed...they want to grow. I hope it changes their lives. That through the stress and tediousness, crying and exhaustion, God shows them truth about themselves.

Desire for more

Sat, 16 Aug 2008 12:59:03 GMT

We are a people who search for something more.

Who hasn’t silently whispered to themselves, “There has to be more than this?”

We see glimpses of our desire when we yearn for deeper relationships or strive for achievement or validation that “yes, my life does mean something.”

I see it in me when I long for a different life than the one I’m living.

I examine my life and ask God, “God, when do I start living life?”

I imagine the conversation would go like this:

“John….this is life. You’re living it right now.”

“You know what I mean God.”

“It’s not the life you imagined, but it’s the one I’ve given you.”

“But God, people around me are passing me by.”

“You’re running a different race than them. That’s not the life I have for you.”

“Then what is?”

“You’ll see. Trust me.”

“It’d be easier to trust you if you gave me a few hints.”

“I have.”

"It’d be easier if you gave me the next step.”

“You’ll be fine.”

“What do you mean I’ll be fine!?

“Trust me.”

Deep down inside, our desire for a good life is our inborn longing for Heaven in a world that’s falling apart. And our desire for relationships that connect on a heart to heart and soul to soul level is rooted in our desire to know and relate with God.

There must be a discipline to contentment, to be perfectly satisfied wherever you’re at in life.

Being a Team Leader

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 01:51:46 GMT

I’m here, back from my mission trip but my heart and mind are still there. I just want to talk about it, about how amazing it was. My mind is still processing through it all and I just want to tell stories and have someone listen.

I left a world of early morning exercise, community living, and an office job here at the Honor Academy to lead a group of teen missionaries in ministry in the humid Texas heat as we taught Bible lessons to children and shared the love of Jesus to those we met.

I never expected it to be as good as it was. So much happened: sweet and joyful moments, challenges and frustrations, and just plain fun. My partner and I invested our hearts and lives into our team for that short time. And it was good…so good.

We gave them a vision and saw them follow it.
We believed in them and challenged them and they grew.
We prayed for God to move and He did.

I blossomed like a flower on this trip. I’m not the same person I was before the trip started. I’m glad for it.

And it’s my first day back into life…and it seems so ordinary.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 02:19:17 GMT

Life is good. I'm a team leader for a 2 week mission trip to Dallas. I like it. I know it'll challenge me and that the ministry will be good. Our leadership team is solid. The missionaries arrive tomorrow. The adventure continues.

I'm sure I'll come back a different person. The vision is that the missionaries will too as well.